We all have one.
Dec 02, 2021
We all have one.
A challenging relationship.
Bring that person to mind for a sec (just one, please).
That friend who constantly complains (about their champagne lifestyle)?
Your bossy mother-in-law (always over your shoulder!)?
Your ungrateful nephew (he has no idea how good he has it!)?
Your sister who over-drinks (and under-parents)?
You clenched your way through the Thanksgiving dinner table, you made it!
But you're utterly exhausted, and now the anxiety of the next family/holiday table is creeping in -
If they just showed up differently, everything would be better, right? All of them. They make the holidays so stressful.
You just want to cut the whole thing short and you haven’t even arrived yet!
Take your sister, for example:
If she just acted more like this or that, didn’t drink so much, was less angry and negative all the time. She should stop blaming everyone else for her problems, stop playing the victim. She should take some ownership. She should grow up. She should just go to rehab (again).
You’ve been chewing on this for days. Totally distracted - not present in your own life.
You just want to hand her your instructions: The lists of shoulds. All the changes she needs to make...
Listen, trying to change, control and manipulate other people isn’t the solution here.
It’s exhausting for you. A time suck for you. It’s just painful for you.
And it doesn’t work.
You can’t control how your sister shows up - but you can control how you show up.
When we fixate on someone else’s life, we neglect our OWN life.
And thinking, I’m right, she’s wrong creates even more division at the dinner table, are we right?
What if you went with, My sister can show up exactly how she wants.
She might still show up as the drama queen.
So let her.
Don’t dwell on her, dwell on you!
Don’t waste your kickass energy on her - save it for you!
And have a kickass holiday.
It's your choice: you can totally make their problems your problems.
The questions is, does it really serve you?
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